~~~Joiln, Personal Diary~~~
Austin had looked terrified for a moment, with so many people surrounding him- pressuring him. But that was the point of the group I'd strung together. I forced him to drink after he swore he wouldn't tell on any of us, and while he didnt protest too much, he wasn't all that happy about being forced into it. "You could have just asked me," he complained in a significantly slurred voice later. Other than that rocky start, I dare say he had fun. It was just what he needed to forget school and relax.
"Well, Austin. As soon as we get back we'll have to see Hekelaine. We'd better be ready," I said, meaning we'd better be sober.
"Not noooooooooow," he complained, looking down at the ground even though it was probably fuzzy to him. "If we fall, we'll be in biiiig trouble."
I grinned, looking down at the ground as well. We were sitting high in the tree tops where it was like a city, the landscape formed by the huge branches crossing eachother and the high rises by the tree trunks. This was the best place to cut loose and break the rules because the trees came together so closely that it was almost impossible to fall, and impossible to be seen from the ground.
"Are you sure they won't find us?" Austin asked again.
I repeated my answer, "Yes, I'm sure. They never even look up. You can get as drunk as you want."
"Naw, I've had enough...."
I saw this to be true due to the fact that I ws the only thing keeping him in a sitting position. "So," I tested him, "What do you think about all that junk saying alcohol is toxic? Even though our parents drink it. Isn't it just something they can't control, goodness forbid!"
"Joiln, I already know what's said about it, and I know most of it is true. And my teachers have never lied to me, so why do you distrust them?"
"Huh! They haven't LIED to you?! They've been lying to you before you even got here! You think they believe all that crap about coming from another planet?! Shoot, Austin! They think you're in major denial! It may seem real to you but as far as they're concerned you're some orphaned child who doesn't have the guts to face your past!"
He was holding unto the bark tight enough to turn his knuckles white. It was a shock to hear this I'm sure, and it took a moment to process. "I... what past then?" he laughed suddenly, "what DO they believe?"
"I don't know, something involving abuse-torture."
"Really? And you?"
"I believe... you, almost. I guess."
"Huh, you guess. Thanks alot."
"Look, I'm sorry. You obviously didn't grow up around here, and you've obviously been through a lot. I mean, I know you really CAN'T stand all these rules- you're not making that up. That's why I brought you here."
"So, do you think I'm crazy or lying?"
"Neither," I responded, btu I knew it sounded weak.
He just looked away from me.
"You've never told me about Rojan...," I pointed out. "What happened to you there?"
"I didn't know you wanted another lie," he said despondantly.
"I've been lied to so many other times, it's hard to believe you or anyone. It would just help if there wasn't a hole in your story.... What happened that was so traumatic?"
"It was traumatic. That world is nothing like this one, how could I possibly explain it to you? I guess- there are some things the same. There is no freedom. There's anarchy there as much as there are rules here, but they aren't any better off for it... They're trapped by drugs. This stuff is addictive, whether you beleive me or not. I've seen it and experienced it- if Dreka hadn't been there I would have died just from withdrawl."
"So that's what's bugging you?"
"No," he said, his voice echoing a moan, "I want to go home." He took another drink. "But how can I? Even you don't believe me.... and then with all the things I've done, how could I dare go home...."
I looked at him sheepishly, feeling the foolishness of young age. "Aw, I believe you. You went along with this- and I know you won't tell."
A smile crept up on him, but was soon triumphed over.
"What did you do anyway?"
"Nothing."
"Come on--"
"I said nothing! I don't have the strength to deal with the past and the present together now, ok?"
"Well, we did come up here to relax. You're supposed to get stinkin' drunk, remember? Have a good time."
He smiled cautiously.
"Come on, I can even make your drink stronger for you. I don't care how much weaker you are than me this stuff isn't strong enough for a five year old." I poured some of my drink into his. "Cheers!" I encouraged, holding up my glass.
"Cheers," he echoed as our glasses clinked together.
~~~Records from Polan Diciplinary School~~~
*Principal Hekelain*
"Have a good night's sleep?" I asked.
Austin stared dumbly at the floor. He'd finally gotten it into his head that it wasn't proper to meet the eyes of your superior. Joiln stared straight ahead, stone stiff.
"Well, I hope so because you're going to need all your energies to explain this to the councillor and make up the classes you missed and will miss for therapy and so forth." Done with their instructions, I softened up a bit. "Now, you didn't go and get yourselves hurt, did you? Do you need to see a doctor?"
Austin met my eyes, somehow in a non-threatening way, then dropped his gaze again. "No, Principal Hekelaine, we are in perfect health."
"Good. If you two need anything, or have any questions, talk to me. Joiln, I don't know how long I can keep you from being sent to a harder school. I hope the next time I see you it's for a good reason. Austin, how were you faring before yesterday?"
"I only wish Caldorian was my first language, Principal."
I nodded, "Yes. I hope you two do better; go well, students."
"Adios," Austin said.
"'bye," Joiln commented.
"Adios? What is that?"
"It means 'go with God,' Principal Hekelaine. Adios."
~~~Joiln, Personal Dirary~~~
Austin proceeded to make mock gagging noises.
I grinned, "It wasn't THAT bad."
"Lies lies lies, like you said. The whole time, she lied to me! It made me sick. And I hate answering personal questions anyway. Gag!" Austin resumed his previous dramatization.
"I'm glad you're in a good mood today."
"Yeah, me too. Except- get this!- we have to wait 18 months before vacation! That sucks! How can anyone last that long?"
"You... just noticed?"
"I just felt like complaining. How long do we have to see this therapist?"
"Probably until the end of the school year."
Austin thought about this, "Uh, that's 11 months... we've already been through Jex, Nex, Rex, and this month is Welc. So we've got Jelc, Aii, Ii, Eii, Iil, Ail, Eek, Alk, Nek, Rem, and finally, Jeim."
"Yup. You don't seem to be having that much trouble with Caldorian after all."
"That still sucks! Why can't we have breaks every year? We have to wait until next... Eii. No fair!"
"You're acting very immature."
"I have too much pent up energy! I'm soooooooooo bored!"
"How old were you when you left Earth?"
"16 and a half. My best friend and I finished school very early after being put on a 'fast track' that was almost too slow for us. So that makes me about 16 and a half when I left, a little over 17 when I got here, so I must be about 18 now. Done!" Austin sat back, satisfied; he'd finished his homework.
"Are you even going to sleep tonight?" I asked, knowing that while he needed more sleep than normal, he rarely got it, instead suffering from insomia caused probably by homesickness and a sense of foriegn emersion that plagued him even on his best nights.
"Uh, I'll try."
"Heh, great... goodnight."
"'Night."
*Jy, Jelc, 1110001101bns*
Dear Diary,
I didn't think Austin would be so much affected by therapy and school, but it's really making him quiet and sullen. All the time. I knew I shouldn't have told him he was being lied to... constantly, by teachers and now his therapist (mine just annoys me, whether he lies or not I don't care). He's not used to anything but honesty- which is so evident by the fact that he's always so honest himself- and it's really making him depressed. He hates therapy. He hates school. He doesn't hate me, but I think he's begining to hate himself.
*Jee, Aii, 1110001101bns*
"Hm? Austin, be quiet...," I complained, trying to sleep.
I heard a soft howling, the sound of wind finding its way into our room. Wind? I dropped out of bed, searchign for the source of the noise, more wanting to kill it than curious over what it was. It didn't take very long to find that the window, which was open, was the thing obviously making the noise. I regretted getting out of bed. "Hey, Austin, did you--"
I stopped when I saw that Austin wasn't there; only his sheets. "Austin?"
I stuck my head out the window and looked down. Seeing no one, I climbed down out of the camera's reach, then up until the braches were dense enough to provide cover and a floor. "Austin, where are you?"
I headed for the roof to get a better view.
In the process of pulling myself unto the roof, I cuaght a veiw of Austin. He was standing as far away as he possibly could and still be on the roof, looking down and moving his feet in a careless, dangerous fashion. If he had been drunk, it might have explained his behavoir. "Austin?!"
He turned his head slighty towards me, but not enough to meet my eyes. Without warning or reason, he disregarded the edge entirely, turnign his gaze towards the stars. Afraid that lack of interference would leave him dead, and not daring to think about what might have happened had I not woken up and followed him, I begged in a voice even I could barely hear, "Please, God...." I looked to the heavens as I said this, and noticed by divine intervention each twinkling star above me, and what I should do. "Austin- which one of those is Earth?"
Still facing away from me, he looked down. "I don't know. You can't see it from here...."
"What about your sun?" I asked, hoping he would focus on the stars instead of the ground far, far below. It seemed when he looked down he was closer to jumping.
He looked up curiously, "I think... that one," he pointed. "See? There's our North Star right beside it... I sorta went south to get here."
Softly, I cut the distance between us in half. He turned his head and almost meet my eyes. Instead he looked down; so far down that a fall would still break his neck, even though he was sure to hit the branch floor first. "Austin, please... tell me why... you came out here...."
Austin sat down on the ledge, his gaze still fixed below. "I couldn't sleep," he responded dully.
"Since it's spring and all, is it any warmer for you out here- away from the air conditioning? You said Earth was a warmer planet."
"Yeah, it is warmer here- but it's still freezing."
"Hey, it gets really hot during the summer- it's only the first days of spring. You'll love it."
"Yeah, I would."
"Come on, let's go inside."
He nodded and slipped off the ledge, out of sight.
I bent over the drop, tyring to catch sight of him again. It was already too late to catch him. "A-Austin...?"
"Right here," he whispered, looking up guiltily from a branch close beneath. The only branch close beneath.
I jumped down next to him and bear-hugged him, knocking him flat against the trunk, "Don't you ever do that again! Praise God you're still alive!"
Tears streamed down his face, unwanted and reckless, "I'm- I'm sorry."
I hugged him tight, still muttering my thanks to God and crying with relief.
"Joiln," he half whimpered, "I can't take this much longer.... I hate that stupid therapist.... no matter what I say she doesn't listen or even believe me! I'm always being yelled at for something I didn't know I did, and I keep having those super-realistic dreams- why can't I be left alone? Why can't I just go home?"
I sat him down. "Sssh.... Have you told the therapist about these dreams?"
"No. I don't trust her at all."
"Well- then tell me. You trust me enough, right? So spill it."
He grinned slightly. "Aw, alright," he whispered. I sat down facing him so I could hear and keep him from falling. "Tonight... I'm not sure where I was- I mean, in the dream. But it was all grey and murky. There didn't seem to be anything growing," he said in his light, crisp accent. "And no wonder! I hardly had a second to take it in before the ground exploded beside me. There was a whole lot of commotion: yelling, screaming, gun shots, and death everywhere. 'Retreat, Retreat!' someone yelled. When I looked down, I noticed that I was wearing an army outfit of some sort."
He seemed to have finished, and looked out past me as if remembering.
"So, you were in a war?"
"Seems that way."
"What was the war about?"
"I don't know. I don't even know who I was fighting. Whatever it was wasn't worth the destruction of... everything. Everything was being destroyed. And it was so real...."
"Hm, do you mind if I analyze it?"
"No. It's not like I think these dreams up, it's like someone puts me there... And I still have normal dreams on other nights...."
"Well, let's think. In the dream you were confused. How does this relate to real life? Well, you're ALWAYS confused in real life. No, seriously, I'm not making fun of you; you keep telling me our rules and our school is confusing to you, hard to keep tract of. So was this dream. Every day is like a battle for you, and every day you feel as if some of you is destroyed."
"If it was a normal dream I would agree, I suppose. But it was too real- and I never dream in color."
I frowned at him in a serious manner. "The point is, you are afriad of going crazy. Maybe you are going crazy, and maybe you'll never be able to recover. This isn't the environment for you. You need one where you don't feel so trapped and hopeless, and you need one where there is not only this freedom but some degree of understanding. Somewhere where people trust you."
"You've been p-paying attention...," he said to me, his eyes rather wide. "But--"
"Or maybe it's one of those plants you're allergic to," I joked, cracking a smile.
He looked down at his hands. "Yeah, maybe."
"Are you... ok? You looked... awfully close to the edge."
"Yeah, I'm alright. I'm sorry for scaring you, but please don't tell anyone. Who knows what they'll do to me! They already think I'm unbalanced."
"Austin... you won't do that again, will you?"
"No, I'm ok now. It musta been the dream... I can probably sleep now though..."
"If you do something like this again... I'm going to have to tell- and not just anyone, I'll tell your shrink."
"Fair enough," he agreed, looking down.
"Now we just need an excuse for you being out here."
He shrugged, "I sleep walked, of course. I used to do that all the time. Are you sure you can carry me?"
"Yes. You're incredibly light. Heads up."