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THE THIRD DIMENSION-DEPTH
(Responsibility, Grace and Zeal, Anger)


Responsibility

When Confronting a Brother who has Sinned against You:

DO:

DON'T: Who's Responsible?

We live in a society today where too many people don't know how to take responsibility for their actions. I believe this has become so prevalent, it has almost overrun the Church. This blaming game is not scriptural at all, and God is not impressed with a people who do not take responsibility or acknowledge their sin. He is not mocked (Gal. 6:7) As I showed in the scripture before, acknowledgment is part of repentance, which leads to confession and a 'cleansing from all unrighteousness'. It is not an easy task to face the sin within us, and the effects our actions have had on others. However, acknowledgment is the first step to the entire process of restoration!

Acknowledgment isn't just for the offender, but also for the offended. Sometimes, people do not want to face the pain of knowing that someone they looked up to has fallen and sinned. They may not want to think they were unable to discern what that person was 'really' like, in the first place. Or, they may have watched that person drastically change as they fall into error, and may feel bad about not being able to prevent it. Sometimes, it is because we love them so murh, or are infatuated with what that person represents to us. We need so much to believe in them and their goodness. This is especially the case with close family members or others who fulfill important roles . We would rather bury the pain and anger than deal with it.

Underneath that pain is the fact that they sinned, and so that fact must also be buried. In the rush to not put responsibility on the other person, we can might also take on all the 'blame' ourselves. This is common in childhood especially, because children tend to instantly blame themselves for everything. Offenders who do not wish to take responsibility reinforce this false responsibility, guilt and shame by telling the child they were the ones who caused 'it'. Abusers often misappropriate responsibility while they are abusing. They often blame their victims for their activities, or something or someone else. The point for them is to avoid taking responsibility.

Much of the time, I find that this is the real 'root' of not being able to forgive ourselves of being so 'bad'. It may be that it's much easier to blame ourselves than to blame someone else whom we would rather not blame. When we have been entwined in an abusive relationship, and we have strong feelings of love for that friend or family member who is the one who is abusive, then we might redirect our anger toward ourselves rather than toward them. We accept their condemnation of us, or we tell ourselves that it's really 'our fault', and then refuse to forgive ourselves for whatever 'wrong' we did in the relationship. This could be a real wrong, or a total fantasy of misplaced guilt put on us by the abuser. In either case, real or imagined, we must forgive ourselves. We must also start experiencing the real anger -the anger where it really belongs--- on the real guilty party. Nothing we ever 'did' deserved cruel unmerciful abuse, condemnation or unrelenting judgment and curses. Thus, long after they are through 'beating us up', we are still beating ourselves!

I find that the issue of true responsibility is part of denial, this refusal to acknowledgment of full sin and it's full impact. This is for both the offender and the offended. The offended must first understand that they have been sinned against, and be willing to acknowledge the impact of that sin. They cannot completely confront otherwise. If they do not or cannot completely confront (because of their age, vulnerability, or the threat of danger), the offender in denial doesn't have a chance to have that denial challenged.

Here are some key things to remember:

----------------------

For the offender:

-you must understand sin and your need for mercy before you can receive grace and help from God
-you can only receive grace and forgiveness for what you acknowledge needs forgiveness. If you are denying your responsibility, it is not repentance

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For the offended:

-you can only forgive sins, events and actions which you have acknowledged. If you do not acknowledge all of the sin and it's impact upon you, you have not forgiven it, even if you think you have. You will later have to fully forgive, when you are ready to fully acknowledge what needs to be forgiven.
-you must understand God's mercy before you can extend mercy, to others OR to yourself

People who are 'mixed up' about the issue of responsibility:

When is a brother listening, really listening? Grace and Zeal

Without Grace, We Grieve the Holy Spirit

Just as grace is not understood by the unrepentant, or 'irresponsible', it is also not understood by those who are 'over-responsible', or those who easily receive condemnation. Renewing our minds about His character through His Word will help us pull down the strongholds (Eph. 6:14, 17; James 4:7-10; 2 Corinth 10:3-5) . A key to correcting this imbalance is that He is both as a holy God AND a gracious God, all at the same time. As we become responsible for that which we need to be responsible for (no more and no less) we become more on track for healing. It is the Holy Spirit who is our Advocate, our Helper, and Who is charged with the job of conviction and the revealing of the truth of His Word and righteousness. Separating what is truth, and what is a lie, sets us free from bondage to sin AND bondage of condemnation from the devil, the 'father of the lie' ( John 8:31-47)

The confrontation steps given by Jesus are designed to confront the brother who is in sin and who does not acknowledge it. Such a brother needs intervention, both for the sake of himself and for the entire Body of Christ. Intervention for a believer who is fallen is for the purpose of bringing about opportunity for conviction by the Holy Spirit. It is not for those who are already convicted by the Holy Spirit, who are genuinely repentant, and who have humbled themselves. Even in the case of the brother who was in shameful immorality in the Corinth church, who had to be put out be shunned by the whole Corinth fellowship until repentance, Paul asked the believers to be careful not to condemn by overwhelming him with "excessive sorrow" (2 Corinth. 2:5-11). How much more grace for someone who has not 'had his father's wife?'

"And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." (Eph 4:30-32)

This word, 'forgiving' is the Greek word charizomai, meaning literally "be gracious to". We fail the brother in sin and the reputation of the gospel if we do not address it, and we grieve the Holy Spirit if we are not gracious about it, too. There must be proper balance between grace and 'the law' and its 'legal' proceedings Christ gave to the Church in Matt 18. Just like Jesus who openly rebuked the Pharisees as a 'brood of vipers', we must be 'tough' as needed, and only when needed. Yet, we must be gentle enough, too. Anyone who is a true apostle, a true father, would know this balance just like the Apostle Paul did.

True Apostles, Prophets, and Elders do not abuse their authority by lacking grace. If are abusive in their authority, it is not a godly authority any more. Therefore, you are not held to these 'angels of light'(2 Corinth 11:13-20).

What about False Accusations?

I would be remiss in not addressing this. False accusations is the false, or warped, version of God's prescription for sin and restoration. Satan himself, after all, is called the 'accuser of the brethren'! No one can take responsibility for something they are not guilty of, or capitulate to someone's judgment of them.

Even if someone comes in the guise of 'reconciliation', and they are falsely accusing, it is good to recognize the true source of it! Remember, Satan's version of 'reconciliation' is going to be a 'warped' version of the restoration process. Therefore, there is going to be:

  1. Condemnation and harshness over petty things (no grace) Scripture says to let no one judge you over minor things (Col. 2:16-17), and this is often what these harsh 'judgments' are really over.
  2. Accusations made by those who practice the same things (Romans 2:1-6; Matt 7:1-5)
  3. Jesus' prescriptions given in Matt. 18:15-17 is certainly going to be suspended in favor of more crafty and more twisted methods. In other words, there is going to be at least one or more step mysteriously missing.
This usually takes the form of firm judgment lacking grace, with no opportunity for challenge. For instance:

-bringing charges of sin or offense against someone, without ever having spoken to them directly or attempts to speak of them. Logically, the only appropriate reason we would not be able to confront one on one is if we are intimidated and in danger. Otherwise, this indirect communication is just a form of manipulation and an indirect expression of anger!

-unexpectedly accusing someone and forcing them 'out' of the fellowship, while making sure the accused have no recourse. This is especially common in fellowships where authority figures have complete control. It usually includes a great deal of intimidation and some manipulation. Often, these leaders do this after they have gathered people around them who do not question the way they use their authority. After they have told their story without being challenged, this gives them the 'courage' to bully their intended victim. They take measures to ensure there is not an equal confrontation with their 'target'.

People and church Systems actually do these type of things, fully believing that they are 'helping' people or 'the ministry'. But are they following the scriptures or their intent? No! The only one they are helping is the enemy.

I have also discovered a curious phenomenon, and have never known it to be otherwise: Church Systems which practice harsh 'discipline' upon the innocent or spiritual babes (young Christians, for instance), don't ever take appropriate, scriptural action over MAJOR sin and offenses-they will let even criminal acts go unanswered, and might even cover them up! But over a minor 'offense', and over unsubstantiated charges, there will be punitive measure---even ex-communications!. If you see apathy over sin, wait for harshness over everything else! The hallmark of these fellowships, are that they lack both appropriate grace and appropriate zeal. They seem much more concern with outward appearances than substance.

When all goes as Jesus taught:

  1. The charges are truthful in the first place, and not made hastily (1 Tim. 5:22)
  2. The confrontation is adequate (1 Tim. 5:20); correction is gentle (2 Tim. 2:24-26)
  3. The steps are taken in their order as necessary, with the last resort being exposing sin to the entire church (Matt 18:17)
  4. The church confronts the sinning brother. If he still does not turn from his sin, they 'judge' him by shunning him (1 Corinth. 5:9-13)
  5. At some point in these steps, pride and denial (self-deception) is broken through, and the progression toward further deception is halted (2 Tim. 3:13)
  6. The brother is restored back to righteousness (2 Tim. 19-21), in a spirit of gentleness (Galatians 6:1-5)
When fellowships fail to follow the Word of God, they are doomed to follow the devices of Satan. The following are the types of imbalances in fellowships where the scriptural intent is missed, which leads to grace and zeal being missed:

-Accusations are false and in a punitive, condemning spirit (these usually go hand in hand, like twins), while confrontation and exposure of true sin is inadequate
-The offended are prevented from adequate confrontation (or are encouraged not to confront) and treated punitively, while the offender remains in denial of their sin and the effects of it on others, continues in their sin, and brings more damage to individuals and the reputation of Christianity as a whole

An Important Distinction

While the present-day Church bickers over the finer points of church government---- splitting hairs over how the gifts should be exercised, and who is qualified for what position in what part of the church organization----they are often neglecting the only thing that Jesus Himself asked Church government to do. The only 'policy and procedure' Jesus Christ gave the Church is in Matthew 17:15-20! Even then, it was clear that the entire church was to be involved, 'judging'---not the outside world, but their brother, if necessary. All other claims of what we in Church government do for the sake of 'the flock' mean nothing if we fail the ONLY directions Jesus gave in regards to authority in the Church! If we don't have any wisdom and we can't get this right, then we need not worry about the other things we think are so 'life and death.'

"For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges. REMOVE THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOURSELVES." (1 Cor 5:12-13)

1 Cor 5:13: Whereas God judges those who are not a part of the church, He has delegated responsibility to the church to exercise its own discipline. Exercising the ban or excommunication is the method of discipline, provided the attempts described in Matthew have been executed first (cf. Matt. 18:15-17, note). The ban should be the decree of the whole church together (v. 4). A study of the N.T. reveals a number of habitual, visible unrepentant acts which clearly call for church discipline: (1) sexual immorality, (2) covetousness, (3) idolatry, (4) reviling, (5) drunkenness, (6) extortion (1 Cor. 5:11), (7) disorderliness/laziness (2 Thess. 3:6-12), (8) false teaching (1 Tim. 1:18-20), (9) divisiveness (Titus 3:10, 11)*.

Zeal, Repentance, and the House of The Lord

Zeal for the house of the Lord, admonishment to a brother in sin, and hatred of falsehood and evil IS love, too. All of these things ARE appropriate, ARE scriptural and IS what spurns us to 'lay aside falsehood'.Furthermore, godly zeal (passion and determination without sin), is very much related to the same determination found in REPENTANCE. Paul described repentant zeal to the Corinth church:

"For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter." (2 Cor 7:11)

Godly sorrow led the Corinthians to diligence, determination, indignation against sin, fear of God, vehement desire for righteousness, zeal, and vindication. Earlier, Paul had soundly rebuked the Corinth church for being apathetic about a brother in immorality (1 Corinth. chapter 5) and about their sins amongst themselves, too (1 Corinth. 11:17-34). Apparently, they had corrected all of these things. Now, Paul was commending them for not being apathetic about their own sin, and the sin in their midst.

If our answer to sin is apathy, sin can and will flourish. If it is our own sin and error, we need to be appropriately determined, fed up, and distressed enough over it to seek God, repent and confess. We need to experience His mercy, love and power to transform. If it is nothing we can crucify ourselves or deliver ourselves from in our own power and by our own methods, we will have to have the humility to do something different than rely on our own strength and ways. It is very appropriate to turn to other Christians who have a working knowledge of grace and power in the blood of Jesus.

If it is another Christian's sin and error, we need to love them enough to attempt a kind 'rescue operation' from sin and error. Our inaction and refusal to begin the intervention steps given by Jesus, will only ensure that the brother will be further lost. Condoning sin, even by our inaction, also brings opportunity for shame to the gospel. Paul pointed this out repeatedly while he was reproving the Corinth church, before they repented.

Unfortunately, too many fellowships or churches are similar to the church of Corinth. They may have a lot of spiritual giftings, yet lack maturity and humility. Worse than the Corinth church, a Laodician church lacks acknowledgment or concern over it's own state.

In lukewarmness, the Matthew 18:15-17 process is likely to be ignored. When it is not, it is done completely inappropriately. Pious Christians are likely to 'shun' the unbeliever as if they are unclean, while at the same time remaining tolerant of any 'so-called brother' who is 'practicing unrighteousness'. The goal seems to shame people into group outward conformity rather than inward reality. Immature or false 'apostolic' leadership means confrontation and church discipline is done in the wrong spirit. Due to political concerns, partiality is shown. Sin done by leaders is called 'mistakes' and popular gifted superstars either remain unchallenged or are reinstated too soon. The innocent, the reputation of the gospel, and even the lost, suffer the most.

In Defense of Anger

One of the emotional reactions to sin and hurt is anger. Because Christians have been taught about forgiveness in a one-dimensional fashion, they assume that anger means you have not forgiven, or that you are unwilling to forgive. But anger is an emotion, neither good nor bad by itself. The choice to forgive does not mean instant healing, any more than it means the anger from the hurt is instantly gone, too. It takes time for that.

Many Christians seem to believe that it is inappropriate to express anger at all; they may even equate the emotion of anger as being the same as sin. They might suppress their emotions and might deny the pain caused by sin, all in the name of being Christ-like. They may even vocalize their disapproval and condemnation at any expression of anger, because it makes them feel uncomfortable.

Some people might repress anger because they are afraid of it. They may believe that if they do get angry, they will automatically sin. They may have been 'trained' that anger means automatic punishment or condemnation. They might get so good at suppressing 'negative' feelings, that they have stopped being fully aware of them, or their intensity. They become depressed and exhausted from all the effort it takes to repress their true feelings.

The scriptures do not substantiate the underlying beliefs in either case, however. Being unemotional and having no passion is NOT Christ-like, however (Matt 21:11; Luke 19:41-44; Matt 23). Anger is not the same as sin, nor does it automatically lead to sin. It can lead to sin, but that is a choice. Turn it one way and it can be destructive, but turn it another way and it can become appropriate passion and determination to 'do the right thing'. Anger, in fact, is useful energy. It is the fuel for the locomotive in motion. It just depends on which track the locomotive goes down. But without passion, the locomotive just sits there.The fact is, when we learn to appropriately express our hurt and anger in a timely fashion, we are able to 'let go' of it sooner. We are unlikely to build up reservoirs of resentment and bitterness, poisoning all of our relationships and ourselves.  Medical science proves over and over again the benefits to our health when we learn to practice what Scripture tells us about anger.

First of all, anger toward sin is similar to God's own feelings toward it. Otherwise, the Father God would not be spurned toward wrath when it comes to the unrepentant and abominations. We can be thankful that God IS a Holy God, and does not condone sin. Sin breaks the fellowship between God and man just as it breaks the harmony among men. Sin causes many repercussions, having the capacity to hurt many. Indeed, sin even causes pain to the very heart of God. If He were not grieved that fallen man is separated from Him because of it, He would not have sent His Son Jesus to be the Way back to Him.

In the scripture, it seems we are encouraged to 'hate' evil in a similar manner as God does. Hate is a much stronger emotional word than anger, but it is an appropriate one. After all, we must completely despise something before we have the unction to turn away from it and utterly reject it!

"Hate evil, you who love the LORD, Who preserves the souls of His godly ones; He delivers them from the hand of the wicked." (Psa 97:10)

"From Thy precepts I get understanding; Therefore I hate every false way." (Psa 119:104)

However, although we are to identify with God's anger over sin, we are also admonished many times in the scripture to be slow to anger. THIS is part of God's character, too:

"Then the LORD passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth;" (Exo 34:6)

"A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression." (Prov 19:11)

"Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, lest you learn his ways, and find a snare for yourself." (Prov 22:24-25)

Righteous Anger Is Not the Same as Sinful Anger

There is a poignant example in the Old Testament of a man who experienced and acted upon two types of anger: righteous anger and sinful anger. He experienced the jealous anger of the Lord at one point in life. Later, however, this same man fell into a jealousy and anger which was due NOT godly at all, and which led him down the path of paranoia and insanity. Most notice latter part of the Biblical story about this man and his spiral into madness, but few notice the first part of the story:

In 1 Samuel Chapter 11:1-4, Nahash the Ammonite besieged the Hebrew town of Jabesh-gilead. This town was obviously unable to defend itself, and offered themselves as servants to Nahesh if only he would let up his siege. In other words, they were trying to surrender and bargain with Nahesh. But Nahesh had other ideas, and would not negotiate with them unless he was could gouge out the right eye of every man among them! The town of Jebesh sent messengers to plead for someone to send armies to deliver them from the hands of this wicked Ammonite.

When the anointed-to-be-king (10:22-24) Saul heard of it, Scripture says "Then the Spirit of God came upon Saul mightily when he heard these words, and he became very angry." (1 Sam 11:6) The literal translation of 'he became very angry' is 'his anger burned exceedingly'. This was no apathetic anger that came with the Spirit of God. Saul decisively amassed the armies of Israel and completely delivered Jabesh-gilead. (11:7-11) This was BEFORE Saul was made official king before the Lord at Gilgal (11:14-15) In other words, Saul's authority as King was not even official or universally recognized (10:27), yet still he acted with brave and zealous anger on behalf of a threatened town of Israel!

Someone can be anointed without being King (in recognized authority position), and someone can be King without being anointed. It was a very different Saul by chapter 18 of 1 Samuel. Let's retrace the story. By that time, he had foolishly disobeyed the Lord so much that God relented making him King in the first place (15:11). Therefore, God rejected Saul from being king (15:23), and David was anointed by Samuel with oil and the Spirit to be the next king (16:13). The Spirit of the Lord then departed from Saul (16:14). With the Spirit of the Lord now upon David, David had the same type of righteous anger that Saul had over Jabesh-gilead earlier. With it, David was spurned to strike down Goliath, in faith (17:26).

Upon David's return from killing Goliath, the women were rejoicing and dancing in the streets to herald David's victory (18:6). Upon seeing and hearing this, Saul became angry with a different sort of anger (18:8). This was an anger that was full of FEAR-not faith (18:9). By 1 Samuel 18:10, Saul was completely given over to a different sort of spirit-an evil spirit. Afterwards, Saul continued his spiraling down journey into madness and acts of sin until his death in 1 Samuel chapter 31. Both Saul and David experienced the righteous anger of the Lord, but only one continued to obey the Lord.

The anger that entices us to sin is not righteous anger, it is carnal anger. In other words, righteous anger and unrighteousness don't go together! It's that simple! Don't be deceived by anyone who believes they are acting on behalf of God or in a godly manner, when they are sinning or given to sin during their 'zeal'. Intensity, passion, or tears are no measuring rod for discernment, because both God and Jesus were emotional, too. Sin is the measuring rod for unrighteous anger. If your anger leads you to sin, than it is destructive. It needs to be redeemed in Christ's image, and turned to a constructive anger.

The apostle Paul described his rage before his conversion when he made his defense to King Agrippa. ""And as I punished them often in all the synagogues, I tried to force them to blaspheme; and being furiously enraged at them, I kept pursuing them even to foreign cities." (Acts 26:11-12) At the time, Paul was acting ""with the authority and commission of the chief priests,"(26:12), which he asked for so he could carry out his "threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord" (9:1-2) He was well-sanctioned by the religious.

Paul was full of religious zeal, convinced he was acting on God's behalf. Sinning against those 'deceived people' was a part of his zeal. But on his way to Damascus, he encountered the risen Lord, who gave him a new commission. Yes, Jesus intercepted Paul and redirected him. As He appeared to him, he said to him, "…for this purpose I have appeared to you, to appoint you a minister and a witness… (to) the Gentiles, to whom I am sending you, to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the dominion of Satan to God, in order that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who have been sanctified by faith in Me.'" (Acts 26:16-18) From then on, Paul's zeal was not turned to torturing and killing innocent people, but to bringing salvation to the Gentiles (Rom. 1:14;10:14-15).

Be Angry, Yet Do Not Sin

The same Paul later wrote this:

"Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH, EACH ONE of you, WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another. BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity." (Eph 4:25-26)

Those Christians who believe anger is the same as sin, do not see the clear distinction made between the two in this scripture. Some, it seems, would choose comfortable falsehood over uncomfortable anger. Thus, when someone is upset or angry with his Christian brother over sin, these Christians might quickly quote Ephesians 4:15, which says "speaking the truth in love". Using this, they imply that there should be zero anger in our expressions. If there is any anger, we are being 'unloving' they say. In fact, anything-ANYTHING which seems unpleasant for the hearer to hear, can suddenly become 'unedifying' or 'unloving'. Of, if borrowing a New Age term, 'negative'. (It is interesting to note that New Ager's also practice these same type of ethical standards-applying this approving term to anything they don't want to hear!)

"For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires; and will turn away their ears from the truth, and will turn aside to myths." (2 Tim 4:3-4)

In Eph. 4:25-26, however, we are given license to both 'lay aside falsehood' and 'be angry'. Why?

Because we are to be concerned, even passionate, about tossing aside falsehood! We are even to lay aside our OWN falsehoods, to lay aside our masks, to be honest, and stop smiling when we are offended!

We are told to be truthful and be angry, and to not SIN in our anger-In other words, we aren't to use our anger as a weapon against people or as an excuse to justify sinning against them. Again, it's like the old adage, "Two wrongs don't make a right". We are also told not to let the sun go down on our anger-meaning we should not wait until after the end of the day to deal with anger and deceit. It seems that doing so only gives the 'devil an opportunity, or 'place'. Deceit and falsehood have their own snares, just as unresolved anger does. Anger can be turned inward into a pit of depression. It can also turn sideways, as misdirected anger. This anger is taken out onto some innocent bystander. Festering, wounded anger can turn into resentment, and then bitterness.

"Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; that there be no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal." Hebrews 12:14-16

A better interpretation here of "fall short" is "come behind." Bitterness develops when one "comes behind" in the grace of God.*

Even if we go back to the parable of the unmerciful servant, we can notice a lack of grace, this sin with anger, even BEFORE he choose not to forgive the fellow servant who owed him. For the unforgiving servant, Eph.4:26 it might well be interpreted "Be angry, but do not choke":

""But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, 'Pay back what you owe.'"(Mat 18:28)


© Copyright 1997 by Teri Lee Earl All Rights Reserved 
* The Believers Study Bible, Version 1.0c 
This is section 3 of Fourth Dimensional Forgiveness by Teri Lee Earl
 
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