God in All His Power/Jesus as Friend - approx. 1979
When I was seventeen years old, I was thrown out of my mother and stepfather's house
because I would not renounce Christ. This was not at all a sad occasion
for me. For one thing, I was finally able to go live with my
father, whom I adored. I had not lived with him since my parent's
divorce when I was six years old, and had rarely been able to visit him
from the time I was twelve years old.
When my mother
dropped me off to live with my father, she told him many terrible lies
about me. It was not unusual for my mother to tell lies like this
at all, but as far as I know, this was the first time she had ever told
lies like this to my father.
mother's lies were designed to defame my character and convince my
father that I should not be allowed to see any of my Christian friends.
As she said what she had to say, I stood there and firmly said,
"You know that's a lie, Mom." After that I said nothing
else. I was both angry and sad that my mother would seek to
poison the relationship between my father as her last act against me
before she and I parted.
dropped me off, my father said nothing to me about it and I said
nothing to him. Because of what my mother said though, I was
afraid to ask my Dad if I could go visit any of my Christian
friends. This meant that I did not seek to go to any meetings at
all with other Christians. Instead, I kept to myself and did
housework, went to school, and otherwise acted as normally as I could.
After about four weeks of this, my father came up to me and sat down in front of me. These were his words as I can recall: "You
know, your mother said a lot of things when she dropped you off.
But I have decided that I do not believe her. The reason I don't
believe her is because she didn't act like the woman I married many
years ago at all. She did not say goodbye to you, or hug you, or
anything like that at all. It totally flabbergasted me the way
she acted. If my wife (by this he meant my stepmother) were to drop off
one of her children, she would have been crying, hugging them, and it
would have been quite a scene. That's because she cares about her
kids. But as for your mother... Well I've never seen a woman act
so cold to her own children. Your mother is simply not the
woman I used to know. So I have decided that I don't believe what she
said to me when she dropped you off."
After that I
was very relieved. I knew it would probably be okay to be in contact
with my friends-- the other Christians my mother bad-mouthed as she
told her lies about them and me. So, I called them and talked to
them at times, and otherwise I was more free than I had been in a very
long time. (If you have read my testimony (the link is above), you will
find out that prior to this, my time with my mother and stepfather
was a very different life than with my father).
I had been so isolated from friends just prior to living with my Dad, I
had become quite grateful for the freedoms Americans take for
granted. One of the things I really missed was worshipping God
with other Christians. Another was worshipping God on the beach. When I
was sixteen years old we used to go to the beach and worship together
at times, or just walk along the beach, talking to each other.
that I was living with my Dad and had some freedom, I called my
fellowship and asked if they were doing that again. If they were,
could they please take me along? They said they hadn't done it in a
long time and had no plans to. I was very disappointed.
So, I contented
myself with worshipping God late at night by myself. On one of
those occasions I had my arms lifted up and while praying, I said
outloud that I sure wished I could go to the beach again. Suddenly I
heard waves crashing in the distance. The sound soon came closer to me.
I felt the room start to fade away. I felt an incredible Power in
the room. Instantly I remembered a scripture that one of my Christian
'elders' had pointed out to me over a year prior to this. This
scripture was where God 'transported' Philip supernaturally to the town
of Azotus after he had witnessed to a Eunich on the road through a
wilderness area (Acts 8:38-40) Once I realized that this might be
happening to me (I had no problem believing such a thing could happen,
for it did happen in the Bible), I was very frightened. I quickly
pleaded with God, "No! Go away! Not now!" The sounds and feeling faded
away, leaving the room as before.
It took me a
few minutes to recover from that. I was somewhat ashamed that I
had just blurted out to God that He should go away. I knew that the
"beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord," but this was a bit
overboard. I knew something was wrong with how terrified I was.
I remembered how afraid I was of my stepfather when I was growing up.
He was a big man and his rages gave me the distinct feeling at times
that he would just assume kill me. My mother was no different, so I was
completely unprotected on a little five acre farm in the 'boondocks'
(rural area) from whatever those two came up with. I lived in
almost constant fear for at least ten years of my life, from the age of
six to seventeen. My only 'break' from the stess was during the hours I
was at school.
"Well, maybe that is why I am so afraid", and then I did not think of
the incident. Then it happened again. Again, I was alone
just like before, at night, while worshipping the Lord. This time the
waves were louder. I could practically feel the breeze coming off
the water as it crashed into the sand! Again, in a knew-jerk
reaction, I cried out, "No! Please don't! Go away!" Again it all
instantly faded, and again I felt a little like a failure. Here I
wanted to be close to God but I kept sending Him away!
In the mean
time, life was getting complicated at my father's house. My stepmother
did not want to be a stepmother to me or my brother, and there were
fights between my father and her. I came up with ways to try to avoid
the tension. Whenever it looked like there might be trouble, my brother
and I took long walks on the railroad tracks so that we were not in
better as school though. I had changed schools when I went to live with
my father, and at my new school there was a very good art teacher which
I took art class with. She looked at my work and commented, "Wow. You
have talent. But obviously no one has bothered to teach you how to use
any medium to make art with. You'll learn that in this class."
One of our assignments was to paint in oil paints. Well, I dove right
in. I was so happy that I had a good art teacher, and I was greatly
encouraged. As I worked on my first oil painting, I decided
to "do it as onto the Lord." I happily obsessed over that oil
painting to the point of skipping lunch to stay in art class and work
Finally it was
done and I took it home. As I walked from the bus stop to home
though, I realized with some disappointment that I could never show the
painting to my father. In my mind, doing so might provoke
another fight between my stepmother and him. I simply did not want to
be the center of any more fighting between them, and so to me it was
best not to call any attention to myself at all.
shared a small room with my younger stepbrother and had to think real
fast as to where to hide it. Fortunately the canvas was not that large,
and I quickly slipped it out of the way behind a mirror of the dresser.
Then, tired, I lay down on my part of the bunk bed--the bottom bunkbed.
tired as I was, I just could not go to sleep. After some time I
gave up trying to sleep, and started rising out of the bed. I did
not even get to a sitting position though before I felt an invisible
'hand' gently push me back on my chest. Instantly I fell into a
Then the vision began:
standing on the beach, at night, just like I wished I could do again.
Then I saw a large crowd of teenagers, all from my school, walking in
approximate rows and columns. They had blank expressions on their
faces, as if blinded or numb. They were all walking in the same
direction. The scripture came to mind, "Enter through the narrow gate;
for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction,
and there are many who take it. (Matthew 7:13). Then these kids
and Testimony: Over the years, I have shared parts of this vision only
a very few times. I have usually shared only the part about the
little girl, because it was a testimony of how God is not a
perfectionist. For many, many years, I was not able to share this
part without crying or tearing up, because it meant so much to me.
I began to walk to the edge of the ocean. I stood at the edge and
began to worship the Lord, arms held high, like I've done many times
whether near the ocean or not. The Power of God moved very
quickly across the ocean toward me, as big and as large as any
hurricane. Instantly I was taken up into the middle of this
Whirlwind! But it was the winds inside the 'eye' of this '
hurricane' were not still at all. Instead, they spun me 'round
and 'round very fast.
a time I could feel myself laying on my bed at the same time as I could
feel myself in the middle of the power of God. I spun faster and
faster, so fast that the centrifugal force pushed my tongue up against
the roof of my mouth. It began to hurt and I started to be
afraid. Just at that moment the ferocity of the spinning eased up
some. This happened three times. Three times I was taken to
the moment of pain and then the winds eased up. As the winds eased up
so did my spinning. After the third time, the Lord God spoke to
me in a gentle, fatherly voice: "See Teri, I will not hurt you."
I was taken up into this storm and deposited in places and shown
things. After each scene I was shown, I was taken up again and
taken to the next scene. The first thing I was shown was
myself. I was walking around feeling discouraged. Suddenly a
purple, decorated chalis appeared in my hands and I drank from it. The
Lord said, "Whenever you feel depressed, drink from My Holy
Spirit." Next I was shown a scene where I gave a message to two
twin brothers I recognized in my high school. They were in my drama
class and actually I had never had any conversation with them before at
all. (In real life, after this vision, I did gave this message
from God to them and they became Christians.)
I was 'dropped' out of the Whirlwind again and shown another
scene. This time it was myself. I was a little girl of about ten
years old, running with another little girl of about the same age. We
were holding hands. She had long brown hair like I did, but had brown
eyes instead of blue. (In real life I had never had such a close
friend of my own age at that age--certainly not one I could play with)
I held hands with her while I ran around and played with her.
watched in some amazement as "we" ran into the trailer I was living in
now. We ran happily into the very room I was having this vision
at. Immediately, I (as the little girl) withdrew the hidden
painting from behind the dresser, exclaiming, "Look what I did for You,
Lord! Isn't it beautiful?" I was real proud of this
painting, because I had worked so hard on it. It was quite
detailed for a first oil painting. Yet right after I pulled it out to
show it off, I glanced at the painting and was stunned. It was no
longer the oil painting I had done. It looked more like a water-color
painting (a medium of paint that I never was that good at and therefore
never liked). The general shape of the horses in the painting
still held up pretty well, but it no longer had that intricate detail I
had worked so hard at. I could not hide my disappointment.
Crestfallen, I looked back at the "girl." Her face was very
kind as she said, "It's okay, Teri. Don't you know that anything
you do for me is perfect?" It was clear that she was quite proud
End of vision
There were many
ways in which God ministered to me as a 'Therapist' in this vision.
With this vision and probably during it, He began to 'rewire' or renew
my mind with the following truths:
#1) Unlike at
my stepfather's house, whom I was forced to call "my Dad" for many
years, absolute authority and helplessness in the center of God's Power
did not mean pain, destruction, and harm.
#2) Up until
this point I did not know I suffered from depression. I never
even thought of the word. After this vision I realized I most
certainly did suffer from severe depression at times. There were
many factors involved in this of course, but because of the depression
it was no wonder that I felt very tired the day I brought my painting
home. A symptom of depression is emotional exhaustion that
translates into a palpable, physical exhaustion. The vision gave
a 'Holy Spirit' solution to depression.
#3) I was
robbed of having any childhood friends. This was because I was
isolated from other people during my childhood, and because the abuse I
had suffered left me painfully shy. Jesus (I believe she was Jesus,
because of the look in her eyes) 'introduced' Himself as my Friend in
this vision, to comfort me.
#4) As I was
growing up, I was given the message in countless ways that I had to be
perfect. I was punished so often for making any mistake that I was left
with high anxiety over any imperfections at all. Fortunately I realized
by the age of fourteen that pleasing my mother or stepfather was in
effect, impossible. However, although this intellectual understanding
was very important, it did not translate to healing from these many
years of anxiety. God intervened by showing me that He was
pleased with the efforts I made and they don't have to be
perfect. This introduced a Grace into my life that began my
healing in this area of my mind, soul, and spirit.
I have found that God often uses
dreams and visions for the purposes of self-examination or realization.
Even if the vision is for primarily another purpose, our hearts and
thoughts are revealed because we are in presence of God . His goals may
be one of healing, repentance, or even deliverance from demonic
oppression. Think of it as the Lord being a doctor (the Great
Physician) and yourself being on the ‘virtual’ operating
If I had not
been so frightened and sent the Lord away the first two times , I am
quite certain I would have had this experience as an open vision of
some kind. However, since I was so frightened, God decided to
give me a "night vision" (Job 33:14-15; Daniel 7:1) A night
vision often does not need much, if any, interpretation. I have
had other 'night visions' since that are not featured in this section.
Read before you continue:
has been my introduction to the "God as Therapist" section. It
was important to read first because it lays the groundwork of how God
began to interact with me in a dream or vision in a 'therapeutic' way (
revealing some truth or healing in some way). The next section
skips forward some years and covers the years of approximately 1986 on
to 1990. Since it only covers the 'therapeutic' dream
experiences, it does not include dreams that are of
lesser value.. My writings are short but include enough to
properly introduce the dream(s)/vision(s) featured on each page and
give appropriate context or comment. I give NO graphic accounts
of anything in my life when I was younger, virtually skipping over the
causes of my troubes. However, I do touch upon some very serious
matters in this section, such as church gossip and church abuse, post
traumatic stress disorder, dissociation and severe depression.
This section is called "God Heals Trauma." If you would like to skip that section, go to the next page after that, called "Patching The Wound" The featured dream there addresses the effects of childhood verbal abuse. Finally, resolution is found with "Loving Plea"
Of course, this "God as Therapist"
section does not relate all the times God spoke to me or showed me
something in a very direct way in a dream or other spiritual
experience. The dreams featured, are carefully chosen to roughly
chronicle the 'pivotal points' of my recovery and healing from the
Lord. It is my hope that people who have had a very rough
road and have felt all alone do not give up hope that God may be
interested in speaking to them or showing them things on an
individualized basis. Sometimes we have dreams that are messages
for other people at large yet also may address some of our issues
too. These dreams are by and large not featured in this section,
but our in other sections instead.
This section of "Diary of Dreams" is part of our Prophet 'Un'School
not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.
Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body
in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them
will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And
even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid;
you are worth more than many sparrows." (Matt. 10:29-31 NIV)
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